Being in a dream where I’m not spinning around is a rare occasion for me. Last night I was at a dream-like cinema and shopping with some nice man in a shirt. I then woke up and remembered my reality, which was a bit of a bummer to say the least. I’ve definitely forgotten the feeling of ‘being normal’, perhaps this is what happens after being ill for so long. I just can’t imagine being able to walk out the house to the shops. To go for a swim or coffee with my friends. Or going to the pub for a cheeky drink or three..
It’s like I’ve blocked out these memories because it is quite simply impossible for me. For a majority of the time I can just forget about it, and stay focused on what is most important at the moment, which of course is to get fixed. But there are those moments, where I perhaps look through old photos, or reminisce with friends.. and just wish more than ever that I could be back there. Or think how an earth did I ever do those things?! I find it unbelievable that I once traveled the world, bungeed off a bridge and jumped out a plane . It really hits home how much I took for granted back then. The main thing being my health of course- because I don’t think I even thought for a second about how lucky I was to be having such amazing experiences. Well, I will from now on. And appreciate them more than ever.
18 years young nutter!
Friends and family often wonder how I cope or stay strong through all this. And I never really know what to say, I have my breakdown days of course, but I find it quite easy to remain positive as I am so hopeful that things will get better. This positivity comes from all my family and friends, and I know that with their love and support I can get through anything else this illness throws at me. You people keep me strong !!
I am also full of determination. This has driven me to carry out a massive amount of research and to be in contact with a number of health care professionals worldwide. And I am now looking at getting some of the best treatment I could ever dream of. This leads me to my next important point of how lucky I am to be supported with this next step in my treatment. I don’t mean to sound soppy, but I could not ask for more supportive and patient parents, who have got me through every minute of this journey. I also have the most supportive brother who has not only been there for me, but who is putting in a huge amount of time and effort to help fundraise for me to get the treatment I need. And without him, I would not be so overwhelmed with such incredible support from people wanting to help me get there! It’s just crazy and I can’t wait to kick off the fundraising events and YouCaring page. Let the campaigning begin! (if you want to help, please check out our fundraising events here or buy a wristband)
Things have moved quickly over the last couple of weeks. I’ve received dates for the States (for thorough testing and probable surgery). It’s feeling so real and scary but exciting all at the same time. I can’t wait to be given more answers and hopefully the opportunity to be given my life back. Bring it on.